It Feels Like This by Hermione Potter

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 21/07/2009
Last Updated: 20/01/2010
Status: Completed

The staircase scene from Harry's point of view. [Now turned multi-chaptered]




1. It Feels Like This
---------------------



**Disclaimer:** I don't own the rights to Harry Potter. That would belong to JKR. And I
don't own the rights to the familiar staircase scene from the sixth movie, though it was
undoubtedly one of the most beautiful scenes I've ever watched.

**A/N:** A short one-shot in Harry's POV.

**It** **Feels Like This**

**by Hermione Potter**

“You really shouldn't have done it.” Her voice chimed to the left of me. It was odd how I
could hear her over the chanting of `Weasley' from the rest of the Gryffindors.

Ron was brilliant on that broom out there. I was really proud of what he had done and he thought
he honestly needed me to help. What a load of rubbish that was.

I couldn't help but keep the smirk off my face. Hermione was so suspicious of me. “I know.”
I turned to her and grinned. “I suppose I could have just used the Confundus charm.”

That's when she gave me the look. Like I was too dimwitted to see what she'd done that
day during trials. Ron was on a bit of luck that day with how he handled that Quaffle, but Cormac
had the skill. I knew he would have never missed that last goal. If Hermione wanted to be
inconspicuous, she really should have tried a bit harder.

“Th-That was different. That was try-outs. This was an actual game,” she chastised.

Oh, Hermione. I knew she was trying to help him. Surely, I knew it was out of the goodness of
her heart and I would have done the same if she hadn't got to it first. But I found myself
looking at her and reaching into my shirt pocket. After gripping the small vial, I immediately felt
the weight of the potion before pulling it out and holding it up to her eyes.

The bottle was full.

And I'll never forget the way her eyes widened in surprise. She really thought that I had
slipped Felix Felicis into Ron's pumpkin juice. It was the perfect plan. Hermione would have
never forgiven me if I honestly did. All Ron needed was the illusion that he had a great bunch of
luck on his side. Like the cliché saying, he just needed to believe in himself.

“You didn't put it in,” her tone was surprised. “Ron only thought you did.” I nodded at her
assumption and tucked the bottle back into my pocket before turning to watch Ron glowing with
pride. He needed a bit of this. I knew since fourth year that our friendship was never the same
after he sought out to believe I was the one who put my name in the Goblet of Fire. Even though we
were still friends now, I knew he felt like he was in my shadow.

I was glad he had this moment for himself. And for once, I stood in the crowd, unnoticed and
utterly normal.

It felt absolutely brilliant.

Watching Ron receive his name chanting with the greatest of confidence, a grin found its way on
my face when Lavender Brown managed to pull him to her and give him a full-blown snog right in
front of the Common Room. I was happy for him.

Turning to look at Hermione, I saw no one standing there but a bunch of Gryffindors. My heart
sunk for a moment as I looked past them. She must have left.

Looking back at Ron for a moment, I think he had everything under control.

In all honesty, I didn't really mind missing Lavender pushing her tongue down his
throat.

Pushing past the crowd, I ended in the corridor outside of the Gryffindor Common Room. It was
dim out, the few candles that burned were slowly fading by now. Shutting the portrait behind me, my
eyes scanned the hall.

Where had she gone?

And by a miracle of Merlin's staff, I heard the faint sound of sniffling.

Swallowing hard, I slowly stumbled toward one of the staircases that led to a stone terrace.

I could see her shoulders shaking. I had no fucking idea what I was supposed to do.

Coming down the stairs, I didn't seem as subtle as I could be as she turned to look at me
before she wiped her eyes.

Getting closer, my ears peaked at the sound of birds chirping. It was no surprise as a small
bunch of birds were circling above Hermione.

“Ch-Charm spell. Just practicing,” she managed, looking down at her hands.

I stood there looking like a completely idiot. I was horrible with girls.

Glancing up at the fluttering birds, I looked back down at her. “Well, they're really
good.”

What was that? I should have been kicked.

Sitting down beside her on the steps, my arms managed to rest on my knees and I could feel her
trying to regain her composure.

I didn't expect her to say what she was about to say.

“Ho-How does it feel, Harry?” She let a shaky breath out. “When…you see Dean with Ginny?”

Looking at her with surprise, I didn't think anyone really knew. Surely, I managed to see
that Ginny had grown to be a lovely witch. Funny, smart, attractive. Nice skin. I hadn't really
had that much of a conversation with her though. We barely had many moments together for anyone to
realize that there was something going on. Though, I shouldn't be surprised. Hermione noticed
everything.

“Oh..Uhm-“

“I know. I see the way you look at her. You're my best friend,” she whispered, turning to
look at me.

So that was it. Ron would have never noticed anything like that unless I told him. And Ginny was
his sister. I wasn't about to go and say anything to him about it. Not yet at least. But
Hermione…

Hermione knew everything about me. And I hated the fact that sometimes I took her friendship for
granted. I remember when she started saying Voldemort because she knew how tired I was about people
being afraid to say his name. Here I was, being a much lesser friend than I could possibly be.

And I hated the fact that until now, I didn't realize how pretty Hermione's own eyes
were. We had never been rather close, physically. Surely we had our hugs and our talks close
together, but I never had the decency to give her a good look. They were a lovely shade of brown.
Much lighter, compared to Ginny's. And they had flecks of….it seemed as though they were gold
and green flecks.

A sudden burst of high-pitched giggled tore my eyes away from her own to see Ron walking into
the room, Lavender skipping beside him. They quickly halted when they saw the both of us.

Looking down at my shoes, I could feel Hermione's resolve breaking.

“Oops!” Lavender chimed. “I think this room's taken.”

Lavender's footsteps disappeared from the room and Ron stood there like the oblivious wizard
he was.

And all I wanted to do was kick his arse.

“What's with the birds?” He laughed.

Hermione stood to her feet, her eyes boring into Ron's own form.

She never needed my help when it came to getting back at Ron. “*Oppugno*.”

I barely heard her say it, but I managed to watch as the birds that were fluttering above us
quickly dove toward Ron, causing him to run to the door. He ducked and managed to make the birds
disappear as they slammed into the door, their feathers slowly falling to the ground.

He looked at Hermione for a mere moment before leaving.

I could hear her let out a strangled sob.

She sunk back down beside me and I realized the only thing I could really do was sit there and
let her cry.

Shifting closer to her, her hand came to pull my arm. The next moment, her head fell to my
shoulder and she gripped one of my hands. Placing it on her leg, I squeezed to tell her that it was
all right. It was the only thing I could do as I felt her tears dampening my shirt. Giving a shaky
sigh, my other hand reached and gripped her arm, rubbing it reassuringly.

I hadn't noticed till now that maybe she could have feelings for Ron. It surely was
something that I was aware of though. Her reaction clenched it for me, though. In the back of my
mind, I could see the two together, snogging and hugging.

And I felt so very alone.

I stiffened for a moment. Surely, I couldn't think of Hermione like that. Like she said, we
were best friends.

But the nagging thought of her with Ron made my hairs stand.

Her previous question hovered over me. How *did* it feel when I saw Dean with Ginny? I felt
absolutely jealous. That maybe it was supposed to be me she looked at like that. Dean wasn't
good enough for her, but I wasn't either.

However, that was nothing compared to the way I felt when Hermione and Ron looked at one another
moment ago. The way she looked so broken up about him and Lavender.

That he had precedence over me somewhere in her heart.

Taking a slow breath, I leaned my cheek against her hair. “It feels like this.”

**A/N:** Give me your thoughts. :] Review, please.

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2. How Does It Feel?
--------------------



**Disclaimer:** Refer to chapter one.

**A/N:** So I've decided to turn this into a multiple-chapter story. :] This is the
staircase scene in Hermione's POV. I gave her a very feminine-like personality because under
all that bravery, courageousness, and absolutely brilliance, she's a girl just like the rest of
us, afraid to get her heart broken. I, also know I haven't updated Book Seven: Deathly Hallows
nor The Proposal, but upon seeing HP6, I really needed to do this.

**How Does It Feel?
by Hermione Potter**

“You really shouldn't have done it,” I chimed, glancing at him. I was a bit taken back by
the noise that the other Gryffindors were making, but at least I could hear my own thoughts. I was
a bit mad at Harry for what he did. But maybe that was because this followed after my desire to
help Ron achieve Keeper position. I admit, I felt a bit guilty about since I've never approved
of added help that wasn't allowed.

This was an entirely different situation. Even though Ron looked incredibly happy standing there
as the other students cheered his name, boosting his ego up tremendously. Harry knew though. He
knew that Ron needed some of the gratification.

“I know. I suppose I could have used the Confundus charm.” My eyes widened. *He knew*. I
could have sworn I was discreet when I used the charm to help Ron. Cormac was a bit too showy as it
was. And don't think I didn't notice those leering looks he was giving me. It was one of
the reasons I wanted to help Ron. I mean, flattery is one thing. What Cormac was thinking of was
clearly much more than flattery. It was downright ghastly.

“Th-That was different. Tat was try-outs. This was an actual game,” I found my voice again as I
glanced at him. He was already smirking at me, but I'm sure it would have dropped. They
*were* after all, completely different playing elements. I would have never helped Ron during
a game. That's like cheating on an exam.

For a moment, Harry reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out the familiar bottle. I stopped
breathing when I noticed that it wasn't empty. It was still filled to the top. He hadn't
given the potion to him after all.

“You didn't put it in,” my gaze fell on Ron. “he only thought you did.” I should have known
better. Felix Felicis would have made a more prominent reaction from Ron. And all it was, was his
confidence based on the fact that he thought he would be on a potion. Harry was bloody smart and I
underestimated him.

Gazing at Ron, I let out a soft sigh. It wasn't like I had forgotten what he had done to
Harry in fourth year. We both knew that his friendship with Harry was never the same after he
thought Harry wanted more fame. I wasn't stupid. I saw the way Ron always envied Harry. How his
family treated Harry when he would stay their for holidays. I thought Ron was being selfish. It
wasn't as if Harry asked for any of this.

However, all of that seemed to erase from my mind when I watched what had unfolded. It was all
in painstakingly slow motion. Lavender Brown, in all her giggling and obnoxious glory, pulled Ron
to her and snogged the bloody lights out of him.

Merlin, was I not *even* good enough for Ron?

Breathing heavily, I pulled away and pushed through the bunch of students that were now cheering
for Ron's snogging session with Lavender.

Clenching my eyes shut, I felt my feet carry me down the steps of the Gryffindor Tower. Slumping
on the steps, I tried so hard to not cry.

Everyone thinks I'm strong. That I'm fearless Hermione Jane Granger.

**Well, I'm not.**

“*Avis*.” Raising my wand, a small flock of birds appeared, circling above.

That's what I was good for. Perfecting spells and charms. No one knew how I really felt.
Merlin.

It's not that I'm not happy for Ron. I'm thrilled for him. He's always wanted to
play Quidditch and have some popularity. I'm glad he had that all. But did that really mean I
had to accept the fact that I couldn't even get him to look at me how I want to be looked
at?

You see, Harry's never looked at me as more than a friend. Then I turned to Ron. I know
it's cruel. That I should consider Ron second best. It's one of his fears - Ron's. I
wish it hadn't happened like that. He gave me no choice though! He was so swayed by Cho's
beauty that I had never stood a chance. And then Viktor found an interest in me which turned into
Ron being jealous of Viktor. And Harry? He was just trying not to die in the Tournament.

Hearing footsteps behind me, I wiped my tears on my sleeve and tried to look like I wasn't
crying. It failed.

Turning slightly, I was a bit caught off guard that Harry was standing there, looking absolutely
awkward. Glancing up at the birds still circling, I looked away. “Ch-Charm spell. Just
practicing.”

It was a horrid excuse and he could tell I was crying.

“Well, they're really good.”

No matter what, Harry's been able to make me smile. It didn't take much for him to do
so. Even if he failed horribly. His technique to calm a girl down was horrendous, but incredibly
endearing.

Feeling him sit down beside me, I couldn't bear to look at him. He'd always seen me as
someone who stayed calm in a situation.

What made it worse was that he only came here was because I was his friend.

“Ho-How does it feel, Harry? When…you see Dean with Ginny?” It wasn't like I hadn't
noticed the way he looked at Ginny. When the two shared that hug at the Burrow, it was so obvious
there was built up tension. My question was, when did it all happen? Had he admired her in
Dumbledore's Army? When had he had time to move on so quickly from Cho?

I felt myself almost laughing. Surely, Ginny did have the whole package. She was pretty, smart,
athletic, and came from a lovely family. Why wouldn't Harry like her? And most of all, she
could have probably offered the most normal of futures for Harry. That was what he wanted,
wasn't it?

“Oh...Uhm-“

“I know. I see the way you look at her. You're my best friend,” I finally looked at him.
Merlin, I loved his eyes. I really did. It wasn't that they were mesmerizing or their colors
were like two pools of endless green. No. His eyes told so many emotions at once. It was one of his
downfalls when dealing with Voldemort. Harry could never hold his emotions back. He always seemed
to have something raging in his eyes.

It was one of the reasons I fell for him. But I know I could never be more than a best friend to
Harry. He had made that obvious with the looks he shared with Ginny. I was deathly afraid that once
the war was over and I wasn't needed for my book smarts or cleverness, Ginny would take my
place as the main girl beside Ron and Harry.

**Silly, I know.**

If Ginny and Harry ended up together, that left Ron and me. Mrs. Weasley would love that,
I'm sure. One perfect little family. Only one problem.

I didn't want to be left with Ron. Mean as it sounds, I don't want to have all my
choices beaten to a pulp. I've always wanted a chance with Harry. There was a slim chance of
that now. Surely, he knew that I had feelings for Ron after my little departure there.

As Harry opened his mouth, the absurdity that was Lavender's screeching laughter pierced my
eardrums. Turning to see her skipping merrily along side Ron, I wanted to desperately hex the both
of them. Didn't Ron know that maybe, just maybe I was supposed to be an important girl to
someone? If not Harry, then maybe Ron?

Of course not. He wasn't the brightest *Lumos* in the bunch.

“Oops!” Lavender giggled. “I think this room's taken.” She quickly skipped from the room,
Ron standing there like an idiot, expecting something out of me.

“What's with the birds?” He laughed.

That was it?

I don't know why I should have expected more.

Standing up and glaring at him, I just wanted him to know how hurt I was. And like always,
*I* needed to demonstrate it.

“*Opuggno*.”

Keeping my eyes steady on him, I watched as the birds that hovered us darted in Ron's
direction, trying to attack. To my dismay, he avoided them, halting at the door.

He *finally* knew how mad I was. But that wouldn't change things.

As he left, I felt my heart breaking. It wasn't because he was parading around with that
witch. It was the fact that while Ron was with Lavender, Harry would probably have Ginny after the
war.

Where did that leave me?

Sinking down to sit, I could feel Harry shift beside me, his body growing closer. I didn't
care if I was breaking boundaries. The moment I felt his arm brush against mine, I gripped it,
wrapping my own arm around his. The weight of his arm settled against my leg and my head fell on
his shoulder, grateful he knew how much I did need *someone* to lean on for once.

My heart skipped a beat when I felt him take my hand for a moment before his other caress my
arm, rubbing soothingly.

Immediately, I knew that my crying was making his shirt wet.

Harry always surprised me.

After a few shaky breaths from him, my breath literally stopped.

“*It feels like this.*”

What did that mean?

**A/N:** This isn't the end. :] Review, please.

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3. As Friends
-------------



**Disclaimer:** Refer to chapter one.

**A/N:** Here is chapter three of my little fic that will be finished pretty soon! :] This is
the whole section of Slughorn's Christmas party from the library scene to the end of
Harry's little confrontation with Cormac. Told in his point-of-view. This one is much more
light-hearted than the first two. :] Enjoy.

**As Friends**

“He has perfect levity to kiss whoever he likes,” her voice tightened as she said every word.
From aisle to aisle, she lifted the books up and I watched them levitate to their appropriate spots
on the bookshelves. I wonder if the library used the Dewey Decimal System. I was quite curious
about it ever since Hermione brought it up in first year. Never had the proper motivation to seek
out the answer though.

“Was I under the impression he and I would be attending Slughorn's Christmas party
together…Yes.” I followed after her from aisle to aisle and gave the most awkward of smiles to
those who were now looking at Hermione as she spoke quite loudly. “Now…given the circumstances;
I've had to make other arrangements.” I looked at her as she said this. She had already made
another date?

“Ha-Have you?” I croaked, trying to sound like I was affected very much. I was planning to ask
her. Now what the hell was I supposed to do while she went with someone else and I went stag? I
thought dating was supposed to be easy for men.

“Yes. Why?” She placed the last book in its proper place before finding herself leaning against
the table, facing me. She wasn't so close to where I stood, but I could see the sprinkle of
freckles on her nose from how the light was hitting her.

Shaking my head vigorously, I gave a sigh. “I just thought…” I looked at her. “seeing as neither
of us can go with the person we'd really like to….we should go together.” I have no idea why I
needed to address that last part. Seeing the look on her face, I hastily added, “as friends.”

Her doe-like eyes widened and I couldn't help but inwardly cuss myself out as I kept
noticing these ruddy things about her that I shouldn't have.

“Why didn't I think of that?” She asked, sounding annoyed. She was really cute when she was
upset. But then again, she obviously didn't consider me as a date for the party.

My hand clamped down on the edge of the table behind me as I gave her a nonchalant glance. “Who
are you going with?”

“Uhm, it's a surprise.”

Why did women need to be so bloody vague like that? Couldn't she just tell me?

“Anyways, it's you we've got to be worried about,” she cast a side glance. “You
can't just take anyone.” In a moment, she was standing beside me, nudging her head. “You see
that girl over there?” I looked over her shoulder and saw a rather pretty girl with curly black
hair and a cute smile. “That's Romilda Vane. Apparently she's trying to slip you a love
potion.”

I couldn't help but start grinning as Romilda looked over at me, a smile on her face.
“Really?” My eyes widened, looking at Hermione. I looked back at Romilda.

And then Hermione snapped her fingers in my face.

“Hey, she's only interested in you because she thinks you're the Chosen One,” she
retorted, giving me a slight glare.

This was probably one of the only reasons my bloody title was good for. “But I am the Chosen
One.”

And then she hit me over the head with a newspaper.

As if I was a dog.

“O-Okay. Sorry.” I shrunk back. “Ju-Just kidding.” Rubbing the back of my neck, I looked at the
floor. “I-Uhm-Uh-I'll ask someone I like.” Facing Hermione with a forced smile, I nodded.
“Someone cool.”

***

Walking down the corridor of Hogwarts, I pulled my collar away from my neck, trying not to make
myself overheated. The fact that I needed to dress up so nicely for this brought back grim memories
of fourth year. Parvati's never forgiven me for breaking her toe.

I stopped short when I saw my date standing there. Dressed in what seemed like a shiny silicon
dress, Luna Lovegood was probably the only one possible to pull it off. I had to admit though, she
did look pretty the way she was standing there - all free from the constraints of reality.

Merlin, I've been around her for too long.

Coming up beside her, I gave my best of smile which she so gladly returned before making our way
down to the stream of red lanterns that glowed above.

“I've never been to this part of the castle-“ I looked at her. “at least not while awake. I
sleep walk you see. It's why I wear shoes to bed.” I found myself inwardly laughing at her
predicament.

***

It wasn't as bad as I suppose it could have been. There were plenty of people I knew so I
could talk to them without looking like a complete git. When Luna left my side, I caught a glimpse
of Ginny when she came. She, like always, looked beautiful. I tried to work up the nerve to talk to
her, but Professor Slughorn seemed to have other ideas as he forced me into taking photographs.

After a few moments of flashing, he gave him a hearty laugh and whisked himself away as if we
never even spoke. Glancing around, I was trying to find Hermione but she was nowhere to be found.
What if she was off snogging her date?

No.

Hermione would never do that.

Would she?

“Drink?”

“Neville!” I tried not to laugh once more that night as I looked at his rather waiter-looking
uniform. It was completely white and had gold buttons. What made it worse was that he was wearing
white gloves as well, holding a tray of flutes filled with cold apple cider.

“I didn't get into the Slug Club. It's okay, though. He's got Melvin hanging up
towels in the loo room.”

“I-I'm fine, thanks.” Patting him on the arm, I turned my attention elsewhere and stopped
when I saw a flurry near one of the sheer curtains of the window.

Growing overly curious, I walked over and pulled one of the curtains, letting myself in to see
Hermione standing there looking distressed and disheveled.

*WHAT THE BLOODY HELL.*

“Hermione? What are you doing? And what happened to you?” I failed at trying to sound cool.
Looking down at her, I couldn't help but notice how low the front of dress dipped and my face
grew exceptionally warm while I tried to turn away. It wasn't a dress she was usually sporting
to these kinds of things. It was sleeve-less and showed off her long….long…legs.

“No…I-I just escaped,” she stroked her fallen strands of her behind her ear, looking out
cautiously past the sheer material of the curtain. “I left Cormac under the mistletoe.”

*CORMAC?*

“Cormac?” I repeated out loud. Had she really chosen to go with *him* while I was here full
and ready to take her to the party? “That's who you invited?” I felt rather low on the chain of
honorable bachelors.

“I thought he would annoy Ron the most,” she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest.

So that was her reasoning? She was doing it for Ron. Lately, it seemed she was doing a lot for
him and I couldn't help but feel the familiar ache in my heart. It wasn't the kind that I
experienced when I saw Dean snogging Ginny at the Three Broomsticks. It wasn't jealousy….Okay,
maybe it was. But I was starting to get jealous of Ron. I mean, he had a family, he had friends,
and now he had Hermione.

He was lucky, that cheeky bastard.

“He's got more tentacles than a Snarf Lulump plant,” she whispered.

Did she have to lean so close to me? I could practically smell her perfume.

Hang on a moment.

Hermione wore perfume?

No, it wasn't perfume.

Sniffing her hair instinctively, I closed my eyes and noticed she smelled like…apricots
and…jasmine. Was that it?

Nevertheless, it smelled good.

“Dragon tails?” Turning to the waiter that obviously knew we were there, I looked down at the
plate.

It looked rather unpleasant.

“We're fine. Thank you,” Hermione whispered, her voice worried.

“Just as well. They give one horribly bad breath.” He shrugged.

“On second thought,” Hermione grabbed the plate and began scooping some of the food with her
fingers and lodging them in her oral cavities. “It might keep Cormac at bay.”

Was it wrong that I found that totally and utterly hot?

At least she didn't remotely like Cormac. Slimy git, he was.

“Oh God,” she gagged, suddenly losing her grip on the platter that I grabbed. “Here he comes,”
she gasped, ducking down and slowly creeping her way out of the curtain as Cormac suddenly appeared
on the other side of me.

“I think she just went to powder her nose,” I explained, looking up at the git.

I wanted to get rid of that smirk on his face.

“Slippery little minx, your friend.”

Merlin, I wanted to bash his face in right then and there.

“Nice piece of work, she is, isn't she?” He grinned, taking the platter from me and starting
to gulf down the contents.

“Yeah…” Hermione was a hell of a lot more than that. I glowered at him as he kept eating.

What joy it brought me that he looked like he wasn't enjoying the food. “Wh-What's this
I'm eating by the way?” He asked with his mouth full.

I smirked.

“Dragon balls.”

**A/N:** Hope you enjoyed it. :] Review, please.

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4. Cormac At Bay
----------------



**Disclaimer:** Refer to chapter one.

**A/N**: Chapter four is here! And it is Hermione's point-of-view of Slughorn's
Christmas party. I hope you enjoy. Once more, this is not the last chapter.

**Cormac At Bay**

“He has perfect levity to kiss whoever he likes,” I found myself explaining with a tight voice
as my feet carried me from aisle to aisle. I could feel Harry shuffling behind me as if he was
trying to keep up. Although, I do believe I was moving fairly fast for someone who was simply
dropping off the rest of the books. While each of the books levitated to their rightful spots on
the shelves, my feet made firm contact with the floor, bringing more than the attention I was
probably getting from my loud talking.

“Was I under the impression he and I would be attending Slughorn's Christmas party
together…Yes.” Why on earth did I think that Ron and I would be going together? We'd never
spoken about it so why did I assume? I mean, surely Harry would try to get the date with Ginny…

“Now…given the circumstances; I've had to make other arrangements.” Leaning against one of
the desks of an empty aisle, I curved my hands around the edge of the desk, looking at Harry who
stood across from me. The thought of going to the party with Cormac made my stomach churn in ways
that I didn't want to think about. Looking over at Harry, I blinked. He looked rather pale.

“Ha-Have you?” He managed, his eyes trailing away from mine. No, why did you do that Harry? Why
won't you look me in the eye?

“Yes. Why?” I frowned, tilting my head to the side to catch his glance.

He sighed and shook his head - making those adorable pointed hair strands flail about. I'm
sure that he had gotten that from his father. Merlin, he was so cute. “I just thought…seeing as
neither of us can go with the person we'd really like to…we should go together.”

My heart seemed to skip a beat at his suggestion. Was he asking me as his date? Good Godric, I
had wanted him to ask me to the Yule Ball in fourth year, but he never asked me. The thought gave
me a sudden sadness as then was more so concentrated on the pretty face of Cho Chang and her…shiny,
manageable hair.

“As friends.”

Oh. As friends. The words of death to any kind of romantic affiliation. That was silly of me. Of
course Harry wouldn't want to go on a date with me when he's got his eye on Ginny. But
regardless of that, why wasn't I intelligent enough to come up with the idea? It would probably
the closest I could be close to Harry for one night. Damn Cormac. Fuck Ron.

“Why didn't I think of that?” I laughed inwardly. It wasn't that I had never considered
Harry in the process of elimination for a date, but it never crossed my mind that it could really
work. I mean, we were just friends. And it seemed that Harry really seemed determined to find a
date with Ginny despite the little display of affection on Ginny's part toward Dean.

It wasn't like Ginny had never spilled her endless secrets to me when it came to Harry.
Every time she spoke about him, she always fawned over his green eyes, his ability to play
Quidditch, and the fact that he was a brilliant hero.

Was he just that to her?

He was so much more than that.

At least to me.

“Who are you going with?”

Looking at him, my eyes blinked. Oh, crap. I knew Harry would be flabbergasted if I told him.
But I didn't want anyone to know yet. I would never hear the end of it from Harry. And he would
go and ruin it when he told Ron. “Uhm, it's a surprise.” **Codswallop**.

“Anyways, it's you we've got to be worried about. You can't just take anyone.”My
eyes cast a glance down the aisle to see that sorry excuse of a Gryffindor making eyes at Harry.
Merlin, he wasn't a side of beef. Tilting my head in her direction, I gazed at Harry. “You see
that girl over there? That's Romilda Vane. Apparently she's trying to slip you a love
potion.” What a ghastly idea.

“Really?” Wait, what? Did he sound excited about it? Did he *really* want her to slip him a
love potion? Where the bloody hell did that come from?

Snapping my fingers in his face, I brought his attention back. “Hey, she's only interested
in you because she thinks you're the Chosen One.”

Then a stupid grin found its way to his face. “But I *am* the Chosen One.”

Without even a second's hesitation, the rolled Daily Prophet in my grip smacked into his
head, the crinkling of the newsprint making the abuse evident.

“O-Okay. Sorry. Ju-Just kidding,” he laughed nervously. “I-Uhm-Uh-I'll ask someone I like.”
He nodded confidently. “Someone cool.”

Shaking my head, I hoped that there would be some hope for him.

***

Bloody fucking hell.

Surely, I condone Ron for swearing so much, but I can't help it. It needs to be said and if
it's said silently there's surely no problem with that, right? And this was the perfect
opportunity to cuss silently.

Cormac McLaggen had nothing on his mind besides what I'm wearing beneath my dress or how he
could corner me into a bloody snog.

Sighing to myself, I didn't think I could be having a more miserable time - even if I was
here with Draco Malfoy. The thought makes me shudder. Tipping back my flute glass of cider, it
seemed to surprise Cormac that I downed the whole thing with one gulp. Letting out a large sigh, my
eyes wandered around the room to immediately land on Harry. Blinking, I thought my eyes had
deceived me. Was that Luna Lovegood beside him?

Of course it was. No one would have the nerve or the bravery to wear the dress she wore. But
somehow, she looked attractive in it. Did Harry like her as well? My thoughts were all over the
place.

Unknown to me, I didn't realize that Cormac had suddenly transported us halfway across the
room where several mistletoe were. My body went rigid when I felt one of his arms around my torso
and his bloody hands swarming all over the back of my dress. Then it came to my hair and
aggressively stroked it back, making several pieces of hair look out of place. Just as I was about
to pull away, the brush of his fingertips against the side of my breast brought my anger spiraling
as I stopped my heel right into his foot.

Watching him buckle over in pain, I quickly dashed away to the curtained windows where I would
have some privacy - even for a moment. Breathing quickly, I ducked between the sheer curtains and
closed my eyes, trying to gain a steady pace of breath. Cormac McLaggen was nothing but an
arrogant, fricky, little bugger. That's all he was.

The side of the curtain swept open and for a moment I thought I was caught by him once more. To
my fortunate surprise, Harry appeared. “Hermione? What are you doing? And what happened to you?” He
sounded anything but calm about it. I must have looked a fright.

Trying to fix my hair, I looked away. What I must have looked to him. “No…I-I just escaped.”
Looking through the curtain, I was glad that Cormac was more than preoccupied with Professor
Slughorn. “I left Cormac under the mistletoe.” Glancing back at Harry, I was surprised to find his
face absolutely jaw-dropped.

“**Cormac**? That's who you invited?” He rasped out. Blinking suddenly, I just now
noticed how Harry was behaving. Was he jealous of Cormac? My face warmed at the thought of it.
Initially, Cormac was made to make Ron jealous, but if Harry was…The thought made my head spin and
gave my heart a bit of a flutter. But I couldn't say anything to Harry - not until I had some
more hint about how he felt.

“I thought he would annoy Ron the most.” It came out without a thought and I soon regretted my
choice of reasoning as Harry's face seemed to stay rigid. I could see the thoughts that were
going through his mind. Despite Harry's disposition to be emotionless at times, he showed too
many emotions in his lovely green eyes that gave away what he really felt. I had seen it many times
when he was lying, but I never said anything. Harry would say the truth in his own time. As long as
I knew what was a lie and what was the truth, I was content.

“He's got more tentacles than a Snarf Lulump plant,” my voice muttered, referring to the
awful petting that Cormac was trying to ensue on me. That insensitive, low-life of a git.

If at all possible, I felt Harry grow even more rigid and still as I leaned near him. It was the
first time I really got to see what he was wearing. He looked absolutely darling in his black dress
robes. Were they the same ones he had gotten in fourth year? No. He would have outgrown those by
now. Merlin, he was so…muscular. Damn Quidditch.

And what was that?

He smelled like….soap and pine needles. It was a rather nice smell.

“Dragon tails?”

I pulled away quickly when the waiter appeared, his hand holding a platter of what looked like
to be unappetizing hors d'oeuvres.

“We're fine, thank you,” I whispered, trying to see if Cormac was anywhere near.

“Just as well. They give one horribly bad breath,” he advised, making a distasteful look.

“On second thought,” Grabbing the platter, I started snarfing down several of the little buggers
to have an explosion of intense garlic and olive oil flavor. I felt my gag reflex and tried to keep
it down. “It might keep Cormac at bay.”

My eyes widened when I saw the outline of Cormac heading this way. “Oh God,” I gasped, pushing
the platter toward Harry. “Here he comes.” Giving him a desperate plea of help, I slowly slipped
out as Cormac slipped in.

Glancing back at the outlines of Harry and Cormac, I silently thanked Harry and spat out
whatever was in my mouth into a napkin, taking a slow breath. Merlin that was disgusting. Quickly
grabbing another flute of cider, I gulped it down and gasped, realizing someone had spiked it
firewhiskey.

Was nothing holy anymore?

Merlin's beard.

**A/N:** There you have chapter four. Please review. :] I start college tomorrow so my
updates will be far and near and in between. :] So please be patient.

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5. And I Did Nothing
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**Disclaimer:** Refer to chapter one.

**A/N:** I know it's been ages since I last posted. My break's been busy, but I hope
I haven't lost anyone here! This is chapter five with Harry's account on the death of
Professor Dumbledore and the final scene between Harry and Hermione on the tower. And I assure you
that I have changed more than I have in the past in this chapter and then the next. You guys should
enjoy it. :]

**And I Did Nothing**

I laid there, shivering for a few minutes as Snape and the others stalked off near Hagrid's
hut. There was nothing I could do. I laid there, feeling like every fiber in my body was on fire.
Snape had been the Half-Blood Prince and he was Voldemort's Death Eater. I couldn't get the
look out of my eyes. Dumbledore falling off the tower after the green light enveloped him.
Dumbledore trusted Snape and so did I. I had given him the benefit of the doubt after first year -
after I thought he wasn't the one trying to kill me, but to save me. And what had he done now?
He was ultimately who I thought he was.

The bad guy.

I turned my head and looked toward the castle. Bellatrix had cast the Dark Mark into the stormy
skies, its skill wavering back and forth as the clouds hid the moon. The snake slithered around as
it pulled itself through the skulls mark, making everything eerie. With the little strength I had,
I got up and started toward the castle. I needed to see if there was a battle there, if Ron was
hurt. *If Hermione was hurt.*

The steps to the castle seemed endless as I went up the hills and past the open gates and doors.
The gate was knarled and curled together as if someone had taken their bare hands and broken in.
The doors were half cracked or smashed. I passed the Great Hall where the glass of the windows were
in millions of pieces scattered on the tables and grounds. The candles were blown out and grey
smoke floated across the once-enchanted ceiling.

All the while, I felt a pulsing pain in my chest. I walked down the corridors and out to the
familiar path I had walked so many times. My memory of Hermione and I running across this courtyard
to save Sirius was my fondest and now it seemed that that memory was taken away.

I saw the backs of th students, standing there in shocked stances. Pushing my way through, I
trotted to the front where Professor McGonagall was. Beside her, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny stood
looking in front of them, their expressions ashen and shocked. My eyes followed their gazes until
it landed on the limp heap that was Professor Dumbledore. He laid there, his body tangled in his
robes, his beard falling to one side. I swallowed hard and walked over slowly - half-expecting
someone to pull me back.

No one did.

Slowly, I knelt down and looked at his pale face. His eyes wide open with no life in them made
me want to retch. My shaky hand reached toward him, my fingers gently pulling his eyelids shut and
his hair away from his wrinkled face. I sat on my knees and looked at him before my eyes fell on
the locket beside him. Closing my hands around it, the locket felt cold in my hands. This stupid
thing. None of this would have happened.

Not if I hadn't been the blasted Boy-Who-Lived.

And then I realized - it was hollow.

Once more I reached out and pressed my hand to his chest. Even through his layers of clothes, I
could feel the coldness of his skin - the still beat of his heart. What was going to happen now?
Dumbeldore had been the only one guiding me through this. Everything that had happened since my
first year, Dumbledore had been the one to reassure me and believe in me.

I had never felt as alone as I did now.

Breathing shakily, I could feel the tears sting my eyes. Merlin, to makes things worse I was
going to cry. But in the next moment, I felt someone beside me and an arm go around my back. At
first touch, I hoped it would be Hermione. She'd be the only person I could calm down to. My
anger coursed through me at the thought of Snape and what he had done - what little family he had
taken from me.

And then I realized that the curtain of red hair was far from Hermione. I took small comfort as
Ginny held onto me and the thought of holding all this shit in - all the fury I had inside me
dissipated temporarily as Ginny held me. I couldn't cry in front of her - I…it felt so wrong
to. But it would hurt her even more if I pushed her away now. Closing my eyes, I kept my hand on
Dumbledore's chest and leaned on Ginny's arm, shielding my face so that I wouldn't show
anyone I was weak.

As everyone pulled their wands to the sky in Dumbledore's honor, the flood of emotions
threatened to break through it all.

I had been so wrong about everything and I couldn't take it back now.

***

Professor McGonagall's words stayed in my head as I stood upon the tower on which Dumbledore
had fallen, standing beside Hermione. *You meat a great deal to him.*

That had only made everything worse in my mind. I had let him down. I stood there and watched as
Snape killed him without mercy - looked him dead in the eye and killed him in one sweep. I could
have done something. Instead, when Snape hushed me and I thought he was going to help, he betrayed
me.

“Do you think he would have done it - Draco?” Hermione's voice rang through my thoughts,
interrupting McGonagall's mantra. My arms were pressed against the railing of the tower, my
eyes cast on the school grounds. I was silent for a while.

“No. No, he was lowering his wand.” He was a coward. “In the end it was Snape. It was always
Snape. And I did nothing.” I could hear the hate in my voice for myself. Surely, Hermione heard it
as well, but she didn't turn away. Instead, her body turned toward mine and I looked down at
her hands. Gripped in my hand was the locket.

“It was fake. Open it.” I closed my eyes and refrained from sighing as she delicately opened it
with her fingers, reaching in to pull out the small piece of parchment that was cupped inside.

“To the Dark Lord. I know I will be dead long before you read this, but I wanted you to know it
was I who discovered your secret. I have stolen the real Horcrux and intend to destroy it as soon
as I can. I face death in the hopes that when you meet your match, you'll be mortal once more.
R.A.B. R.A.B.” She looked at me then and I could see the question in her eyes.

“I don't know. But whoever they are, they have the real Horcux. It means it was all a waste.
All of it,” I muttered, hearing Ron's disappearing footsteps down the spiraling staircase.
Smarmy git, he could never handle bad news.

I watched Hermione play with the locket for a moment before turning back to the school grounds.
“Ron's okay with it. If I were you when he's around, I'd keep the snogging to a
minimum.” She managed a weak chuckle. If things were only that simple. Ginny was the last thing on
my mind.

“I'm not coming back, Hermione. I've got to finish whatever Dumbledore started. And I
don't know where that will lead me, but I'll let you and Ron know where I am when I can.”
Leaving the two of them would be the painful part, the hard part. Not being able to see either of
them or knowing that I may not even live to see them…be together was painful. I may not have even
lived to see either of them happy.

“I've always admired your courage Harry. But sometimes you can be really thick,” I heard the
amusement in her voice despite the situation. We looked at each other. “You really don't think
you'll be able to find all those Horcruxes by yourself, do you?” I'd thought of that
actually. Plenty of times. That's why I reasoned with myself that I was going to die either
way. I was trying hard not to drag the two of them in. If Ron got hurt, I would have been
absolutely furious.

If Hermione had gotten hurt…I wouldn't even know what to do with myself.

“You need us, Harry.”

I closed my eyes. “I can't.”

“What?” She looked at me then, confusion in her eyes.

No matter how much I wanted to stay here with Ron and Hermione, I knew I couldn't. And there
was no way I would take either of them with me. Was she absolutely daft? “You're not
going.”

“What do you mean I'm not going? Of course I'm going. You think I'd even let you
think about leaving me here?” Hermione pressed, her eyes dark.

“I've made up my mind. I'm leaving **on my own**. And you can't come with. I
won't let you,” I whispered, turning away.

“You can't tell me what to do. I won't let you go without me. One way or another I'm
co-“

“YOU'RE. NOT. COMING.” I gritted the words through my teeth as I slammed my hands onto the
railing on either side of her waist, the rusty metal digging into my palms. Heavy breathes escaped
my lips as I looked down at our shoes, my gaze blurry for a moment. “If you got hurt, I don't
know what I'd do Hermione.”

“Ron and I are per-“

“I know you're capable of taking care of yourselves. If Ron got hurt, I know he'd
manage. But if you got hurt, I have no idea what I'm capable of. You need to understand that.”
I squeezed out, my chest hurting. “Dumbledore's dead because I stood there and let it happen. I
hadn't even seen it coming. Do you think I'd even for a minute consider you coming
along?”

I knew my voice was wavering now. Thinking of Hermione hurt was painful. Thinking of her dead
made my blood run cold.

We stood there for how long, I don't know. The moment I felt her arms sliding around my neck
and pulling me toward her, I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled her to me and crushed her
against me.

“Oh, Harry.” She sighed, her warm breath against my ear. I always loved those two words from her
mouth.

“You're so stupid,” she whispered, her fingers gliding through my messy hair. “I know the
risks. I know the odds we're at here, but you have to know by now, if I was going to stand on
the sidelines and wait for you, then you're wrong. Whether you want me there or not, I'll
follow you anywhere.”

And that was when I realized I was crying.

I had never cried in front of anyone. When I was younger, the Dursleys locked me in my room
before I could start. The last time I cried was after Sirius died and I was alone. And now it
seemed that every shitty thing that's happened to me was catching up to me as Hermione held me.
I would have never been able to let myself cry in front of Ginny or Ron.

“I know you're absolutely stark-crazy over Professor Dumbledore, but I can take care of
myself. You really think you can get rid of me?” I heard the smile in her words. It was always like
her to try to be witty at a time like this.

She pulled back and looked at me, my face probably wet and tear-stained. Her gaze was warm as it
always has been, sucking me in whenever I dared to look her in the eye and like that, it felt like
every emotion was pouring from me in that one look. Her fingers wiped away the spots on my face,
her index finger lingering near my lips - I hadn't missed that.

“You need me.” At that, a cry was let through the air as the two of us turned to see Fawkes
flying overhead, his fiery feathers melding against the pale sun. I pulled my arms away from her
and leaned against the railing, my hand grasping hers.

“I do.” I looked down at the school grounds and realized that I had never seen this place look
so quiet and peaceful. “You know, I never realized how beautiful this place was.”

Hermione squeezed my hand. “Yeah, me either.”

**A/N:** So yes! This is the second to last chapter. :] Again, I'm so sorry I haven't
posted in the longest time - since August! School's been amazing, my first semester's been
a blast and I hope everyone's new year is going the way they thought it would. Right now, I
only have one more chapter in mind for this story, maybe two. I don't know for sure. :] But
please, stay around and…

**REVIEW!**

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